


Remind Me

by smudged_kohl



Series: Because I Wanted You To Know [1]
Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Drunk Kissing, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Jesse's dead, Love Confessions, Making Love, Memory Loss, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:34:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudged_kohl/pseuds/smudged_kohl
Summary: Cassidy doesn't remember last night and Tulip tries to keep it that way.Set in a world where Tulip and Cassidy actually kill Humperdoo, thwarting the apocalypse and stopping God from bringing Jesse back from the dead. Tulip and Cassidy stay together and help each other heal.
Relationships: Proinsias Cassidy/Tulip O'Hare
Series: Because I Wanted You To Know [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653049
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassidy POV.  
> Cassidy wakes up hungover, not remembering the events of last night.

The first thing Cassidy sensed as he woke up from his alcohol-induced slumber was the stiff-pain in his back. He may be a vampire, but bodily soreness was still very much a part of his reality. He looked up from his spot on the motel floor, which he must have claimed as a bed last night, to see the actual bed, and room in general, empty. Tulip had left already, not bothering to wake him, or maybe not wanting to. He didn’t remember anything between being at the bar and falling asleep, but judging by the makeshift pile of blankets and pillows that he slept on, things must not have ended great with him and Tulip.

Last night had been weird, and not necessarily bad-weird either, at least from what Cassidy can remember. He recalls a lot of laughing, which was pretty standard for them, but he also remembers the warm, fond look in Tulip’s eyes when she silently stared at him between the laughs and the way she didn’t scold him or roll her eyes anytime he returned a similar look. He remembers at one point being quite certain that when they got back to the hotel room something good was going to happen. He remembers the nervous, excited butterflies he got in his stomach when he thought about that possibility, which now makes him shake his head and cringe at himself for being so embarrassingly lovestruck.

He begins replaying a moment from early in the night when Tulip, emboldened by the four beers she had already downed despite them only being at the bar for less than an hour, exchanged the soft look for a cheeky one, something clearly brewing in her mind. He raises an eyebrow at her, daring her to spit it out already, and trying to hide the anticipation he felt for him to find out what it was.

“What’s up with you, love?” He finally asked when his eyebrow waggle failed to accomplish its task.

“Nothin'” she said, grinning, not even trying to hold a bluff.

“Oh, you’re not feeling shy now are you, love?” Cass asks, knowing Tulip will spill the beans if only to not risk being described by such an adjective. Tulip gives the desired reaction, scowling at him.

“I ain’t shy.”

After feigning offense for a moment, her features soften and return to the same mischievous look that got Cassidy inquiring in the first place. After a few more seconds she finally leans forward and slowly reveals to him what has her in such a playful mood.

“I was just thinkin’ bout that night… in the back of my car…”

She smirks as she’s saying it, clearly aware of the effect talking about this will have on Cassidy, who immediately jumps at the words, disarmed. He was expecting her to tell him about a plan she had been concocting and he was just hoping it didn’t involve him getting shot for money again, but this… he was not expecting this.

She hadn’t brought this night up and only ever acknowledged it happened when yelling at him for bringing it up to her, or him asking her if they should tell Jesse about it. After the initial shock of the words, Cassidy feels his body start to react, both to the words themselves and to the way Tulip is smirking at him, watching his reaction to her game. His stomach swirls, oddly nervous, not a feeling Cassidy was used to experiencing. He realizes she is waiting for him to say something and that he has been staring at her, looking dumbfounded over her simple statement, for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“Wha- uh, what were you thinking about it?”, he finally spits out, attempting to, but immediately failing his attempt at playing it cool.

Tulip leans in and basically whispers in his ear, “I was just thinking about _it_ ” she emphasizes the last word and pulls back to soak in the enjoyment of watching him squirm as he processes her meaning, with a look in her eyes that Cassidy can not decipher.

He, almost comically, gulps when she says it, making Tulip break her act and start laughing. He doesn’t know if it's his lack of returned laughter or the fact that she actually had finished her beer, but before he has the chance to say anything in response, Tulip jumps out of her chair.

“Hold that thought, I need another round” and she saunters off to the bar, clearly impressed with her antics.

Cassidy exhales the breath that he feels like he’s been holding for the last ten minutes. His first reaction is to be offended. He thinks she playing some sick game with him, and its cruel of her to bring this up at all when she knows how he feels about her. Or at least he thinks she does. He thinks everyone does at this point, he doesn’t exactly keep it a secret. But after a few seconds of his self-loathing thoughts, he realizes Tulip clearly had a reason for bringing this up. And based on the night so far… it was probably a reason that should have him doing the complete opposite of being offended. He feels his stomach stirring again, this time with excitement instead of nerves, as he attempts to think of something witty to say as he sees her making her way back to their table.

She seems a bit taken aback as she slides a beer in front of him and sees his previously terrified face replaced with one to match her earlier mischievous one.

And then - black.

Cassidy curses himself as he remembers the handful of pills he took before leaving for the bar that night. They must have had a delayed reaction making him blackout at the least convenient moment possible. So how the shite did he end up sleeping on the floor after that? Did Tulip’s buzz wear off before they made their way back to the room? Had he said something that pissed her off so much that she exiled him to the floor? If he was being honest both of those options seemed highly likely. He would just have to wait till she got back to find out he supposed. He also supposed that there was no way he could bear the anxiety of that wait sober, so he got to examining the contents of the mini-fridge to see what he could chug for breakfast.

He settles down in front of the TV, lounging with his back on the bed frame and a leftover bottle of vodka in his hand as he flips through the channels. He just starts sipping on his vodka when the door swings open.

Tulip walks in holding a bag of fast food, wearing an incredibly un-Tulip-like face. She looks.. embarrassed? Cassidy is clearly staring too intensely while trying to decipher what could have happened last night to have HER being the embarrassed one.

“Can you stop looking at me like that? God Cassidy, didn’t anyone ever teach you its rude to stare?” She basically yells at him, with a signature pissed-off, defensive look on her face. The type that makes her eyebrows shoot towards the roof and her eyes go wide as saucers.

“Yeah, right, sorry.” he murmurs, averting his gaze to the ground while growing more and more perplexed by the second.

“Thank you,” she says sarcastically.

He pauses trying to decide if finding out what happened last night is worth making Tulip even more pissed off than she already is. He eventually decides he doesn’t have the will power to not try one last time, and he would never say it out loud but he secretly loves the way Tulip looks when she’s pissed at him.

“Um, Tulip? Love, I was just wondering-“

“Cassidy, I swear to god if you ask me one question about last night I will break that bottle of vodka over your stupid head” she interrupts.

“Okay,” he pauses wondering what he can say next that will avoid him having to pick pieces of glass from his scalp for the rest of the afternoon “so, not a question… I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I did anything last night that upset you, to be honest love I don’t remember much past getting to that bar”

She stares at him, seemingly attempting to read his mind. Cassidy looks at her with brows furrowed, confused as all hell. This goes on for a few minutes before Tulip sighs, seemingly convinced by his confusion.

“Well, I guess If you don’t remember anything then we’re all good… I got us some food, here” she throws a breakfast burrito into his lap.

Cassidy is not as put at ease as Tulip seems to be. He has a million questions but is terrified to ask her anything and ruin her newly calm mood. He settles for enjoying his breakfast burrito and his breakfast vodka, leaving the questions for later.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassidy POV.  
> Cassidy reminisces on how he and Tulip ended on the road together as he tries to remember last night's events.

After they’ve finished eating Tulip says she’s going to take a nap to sleep off her hangover. Cassidy is relieved; he wants some alone time to try and dig up any trace of memories from last night to piece together what the hell got Tulip so on edge. 

He decides to leave the room to let her rest and head to the bar to see if it will trigger anything for him. Also, he drank all the vodka they had so the bar might help with that problem too. 

He gets there just after what would be considered dinner time for most people so the bar is relatively empty. He scans the tables trying to remember where he and Tulip sat. When he finds it he orders his drinks and heads over. As he sits he thinks about him and Tulip getting to the bar last night.

They had been on the road all day looking for somewhere or some way to make some cash. Ever since Jesse died this is basically all they did, well once Tulip actually started going outside again. It took her about a year to start actually wanting to do anything aside from drink and sleep. 

He remembers the time they heard about The Grail being exposed on the news, how their plans were thwarted by the government. They knew this was bullshit and they were pretty sure it had more to do with them killing that idiot messiah. Had they single-handedly stopped the apocalypse? And if this was the case then why did Tulip look so disappointed? Cassidy realized then that she had just been waiting for the apocalypse this whole time. She was waiting to die, to join Jesse. It hurt him to think about her feeling this way, but he understood. Jesse was her everything. 

He wondered what this meant, now that certain death was no longer inevitable. He knew better than to ask her, but the next day he got his answer when Tulip burst out of the bathroom, freshly showered, with more life in her then he had seen in a year. She told him they were going out tonight and he agreed. 

Ever since then they have gone out every night, either to get money or to spend that money on booze. It wasn’t the sad kind of drinking either, not like that first year after Jesse died, no, this was old Tulip. The Tulip that liked to “party” as she put it. She wasn’t drinking to numb herself or to put herself in an early grave, she was drinking because she liked beer and dive-bars, so Cassidy was okay with it. Plus, he liked beer and dive-bars too.

They started doing jobs. Bank robberies, kidnappings for ransom, basically anything that paid. Cassidy wondered if it was the type of thing Tulip and Jesse used to do. He wasn’t allowed to bring Jesse up, but sometimes when Tulip was drunk after a job, she would. He would hold her as she sobbed and told him stories of her time with Jesse. He’d cry with her, no longer feeling jealous or bitter. In fact, he hated himself for what he did to Jesse when he was still here. Yeah, Jesse was a God-obsessed dick, and Cassidy didn’t regret calling him out on that, but he wished he had never fallen for Tulip, at least not while Jesse was alive. It fucked their friendship royally, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forgive himself for that. 

Cassidy and Tulip fell into a perfect, platonic harmony. He helped her grieve and begin to heal, and in turn that gave him purpose. Something he hadn’t had in decades. And yeah, he still loved her in a very non-platonic way, but he pushed that aside because the thankful look Tulip gave him whenever he was there for her was worth more than anything to him. He’s not sure if she remembers, but one particularly drunk night in between her sobs she told him that she doesn’t think she would have survived all this had he not been here. And with those words he pledged to never try and make their friendship anything more than that, because he knew what it meant to her.

But last night that perfect, platonic harmony was disturbed, and it wasn’t by him. 

As he looks around the bar, he spots the old school jukebox pushed up against the wall. He remembers Tulip discovering it last night and getting uncharacteristically excited, running up to it and flipping through the records. 

He watched her, taking advantage of the fact that her back was turned to him. He loved moments like these, when he could just stare, and take her in, without making her uncomfortable or pissed off. 

She tapped her fingers on the glass of the jukebox as she skimmed through the collection. She excitedly jumped as she found one she liked and turned around to smile big at Cassidy. 

As she made her way back to the table, “You Send Me” by Sam Cooke starts playing over the speakers. Cassidy’s heart skipped a beat when he saw how happy Tulip looked, and his heart basically stopped when she started animatedly singing the lyrics to him while swaying in time with the song.

God, what the hell went wrong last night, he wonders.

He realizes that his plan to remember isn’t quite working. He thinks he should start writing the events of his nights on his skin, Memento-style. 

He orders another drink and chugs it down before leaving for the motel.

When he gets back, Tulip is still asleep. God, she’s beautiful when she’s asleep. She’s beautiful all the time, but when she’s asleep she looks so innocent, like all the shit that’s happened over the years is completely wiped away.

He sits on the edge of the bed and takes in as much of the sight as he can before Tulip's big brown eyes slowly open. She sleepily tries to process what's happening, at first smiling up at him, and then, as if suddenly remembering their awkward encounter from this morning, she jumps out of bed and rushes to the bathroom. 

Cassidy prepares himself for an altercation. He’s sure she’s either going to yell at him or punch him in the face the second he asks, but he knows he won't be able to handle not knowing for much longer. 

As she exits the bathroom, avoiding eye contact, he clears his throat.

“Tulip, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I’d really like to know what happened last night… I don’t want anything weird between us,” he says and prepares himself for her reaction. 

She looks at him, and her eyes look surprisingly soft and understanding. She sighs, 

“So how much exactly do you remember…”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tulip's POV.  
> A hungover Tulip tries to pull herself together and prepare herself to face Cassidy again.

The first thing Tulip sensed when she woke up was a throbbing headache. She groaned as she sat up in the uncomfortable motel bed and rubbed her eyes. Christ, had she ever overdone it on the cheap beer last night. She looked around the room trying to get her bearings and noticed a blanket-covered, Cassidy-shaped lump on the floor. 

“Shit.”

In an instant all the memories of last night flooded her brain, only working to amplify the feeling in her hungover, sick stomach. That familiar watery feeling entered her mouth and she got up to run to the bathroom and puke, careful not to trip over the sleeping body on the ground.

After emptying the contents of her stomach, she pulled herself up from the floor and examined her reflection in the mirror. What the fuck was I thinking last night, she thought to herself as she stared at her sickly face, squinting her eyes. Feeling another wave of nausea coming on she rushed to squirt some toothpaste on her toothbrush, hoping the mint might help settle her stomach. 

She ran a comb through her hair and splashed some cold water on her face before exiting the bathroom, grabbing her keys and swiftly exiting the hotel room. She knew they were out of food and she badly needed some Tylenol for her head. The fact that she did not want to be here when Cassidy woke up might have had something to do with it too. 

As she got in her car she sat for a second before starting the engine. Flashes of last night started playing in her head. Her and Cassidy going out to some dive bar. Her downing a beer the second they walked in the door, before buying two more and telling Cass to get his own when he reached for one of them. Sitting with Cassidy and listening to one of his stories. She had heard this one before but she didn’t have the heart to tell him. The way he spoke when he told stories did something to his face, saying the words with a half-smile and animated hand gestures. The way he refused to break eye contact, soaking in her reactions. She felt her heart do that annoying jumpy thing it had been doing when she thought about Cassidy recently.

“Fuck” she said as she started the engine, abruptly ending that train of thought. 

She didn’t wait to pay before popping open the Tylenol and a bottle of water, and downing two pills the second she got inside the gas station. The attendant gave her a dirty look and she returned a sarcastic one. She grabbed a few more supplies and snacks before making her way to the cash.

On her way back to the motel room she decided to take a detour to a nearby river. She parked her car facing the water and opened a bag of Cheetos, popping one in her mouth. Tulip liked to think things through in her car. She could talk to herself without anyone hearing, and she had a perfectly punchable steering wheel for when her thoughts pissed her off too much. She sighed, knowing she needed to sort her shit out, but dreading having to face the feelings she had been trying to bury for months now, the feelings that managed to escape last night with the help of a little liquid courage. She closed her eyes and started replaying the events in her head.

Tulip had just finished her third beer when she realized how good Cassidy looked tonight. 

When they first met Cassidy used to dress like a homeless person. Well, he kinda was a homeless person when they first met, actually, and Tulip had not been attracted to him AT ALL. She thought he was gross and weird and annoying. But he was funny, plus she thought it was cool that she met a real-life vampire. When they had sex it meant nothing to her. She knew what Jesse would think if she found out she had not only slept with someone else, but an unholy ass vampire at that? Oh, that would really piss him off. So she used him. And she thought she’d never see him again, and then, somehow, she did see him again and again, and their lives became seemingly permanently intertwined. 

And as they got to know each other, eventually she realized he was kind and empathetic. Not only was he funny, but he also made her laugh more than anyone else in the world, even Jesse. And She realized she loved him, in a platonic way because she still had Jesse then. But, Cassidy was her best-friend and she loved him too.

And then Tulip started to notice other things about him, like the fact that he had nice eyes and a charming smile. She noticed she liked the way his body was built. She always thought she was into the strong, muscular type, but then she saw him without a shirt on one day with his tattoos and his tall, slim figure and it made her stomach flutter. Then all of a sudden he started dressing nicer. Putting more care into his appearance, wearing clothes without unintentional rips, pants that fit him without having to be tied up with a piece of rope. She remembers the first time she saw his bleached hair. How she felt her mind freeze, at a loss for words. Tulip was never at a loss for words. And that's when she realized, she had a big old, schoolgirl type crush on the vampire. Which was a problem, because she was with Jesse, her soulmate, the love of her life. So, she pushed her crush down into the depths of her mind and promised to sort herself out once the whole “save the world” thing was over.

And then Jesse died. Her heart broke more than it ever had before. More than when he left her, more than when they lost the baby. So she promised herself she would never love again. She certainly wasn’t thinking about a stupid school-girl crush anymore. She didn’t even want to be alive, which was convenient with the whole apocalypse thing on the way. And, yeah she killed that idiot messiah, but she didn’t do it to stop the apocalypse or save anybody. She did it because she was pissed. She did it to spite God. To take something he loved away, the same way he took Jesse from her. But in doing so she also fucked his plans to end the world, meaning she was still stuck living in it.

She took a year off from the whole living thing though. Drinking and sleeping her days away, not caring what the grail was up to, not caring what God was up to. She figured they probably had a backup plan and she certainly wasn’t going to stop them. Part of her hoped they would end it all. She was far too proud of a person to kill herself, but god, was she ever tired of living.

And then they heard the news that The Grail was gone. They got their confirmation that they had actually stopped the world from ending, basically on accident. She had an epiphany that day and decided to stop being a sorry son of a bitch and enjoy life because she knew that's what Jesse would want her to do. She was alive and her best friend was too and they had just saved the fucking world, might as well make the most of it.

But that’s when that stupid school girl crush started to sneak its way back. Tulip didn’t know if it was possible to “platonically” love someone you’ve got a crush on. Her guilt for Jesse prevented her from admitting that it wasn’t.

But then she was sitting across from Cassidy, three beers in her system, and she couldn’t help herself. Every time he spoke, her eyes kept making their way down to his lips, the curve of his smile. She found her stupid hands falling on him at any opportune moment she found. Like when she got up to get another beer and her fingers ghosted along his shoulders, or when they leaned into each other while laughing and her hand found itself on to his thigh. And his reactions were just so fucking adorable, like a scared puppy so unsure of what to do, what he was allowed to do back. It made her feel so powerful, the way he responded to even the slightest flirting. She thought it was hilarious that they had already fucked each other, yet he acted like a little boy hoping for his first kiss. And then as she started her fourth beer that idea got stuck in her head. She had fucked Cassidy. She had never really let herself think about it before. It really had been nothing to her then, just drunk sex in the back of her car with some gross, weird, annoying guy she just met. But that guy was Cassidy, she had drunk sex with Cassidy in the back of her car. Realizing this set her stomach on fire and made her pulse quicken, and Cassidy must have noticed because he was staring at her with his signature eyebrow raised. And that's when she decided, they were going to have sex again tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tulip POV.  
> Tulip remembers everything that happened last night.

Tulip wishes more than anything that all that happened last night was just them having sex. 

After Tulip decided she was going to try to seduce Cassidy, although she knew that probably wouldn’t be too hard of a task, she started dropping hints. Big hints. She started flirting shamelessly, bringing up the night they had sex, basking in his reaction to her words. At first, it made Cassidy do the shy puppy dog thing, but then he seemed to get the hint. 

“You know maybe we could try again in a more comfortable location?” He asks her as she sits back down at the table with a beer for each of them in her hands. Cassidy made dirty jokes a lot, but she had never returned them, nevermind be the one to start them. Tulip wonders what he’s thinking right now. He has a joking tone, but his eyes reveal something more akin to hopefulness.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you, Cass?” She purposefully draws his nickname out, staring up at him through her thick eyelashes.

He looks shocked for half a second before he forces it down, putting back up his joking attitude. He gives her a signature stupid eye-brow raised facial expression, nodding and smiling like an idiot. A big, dumb, adorable idiot. And in that moment she feels so thankful for this idiot. Her lust seems to dissolve and turn to a weird melancholy. She still feels a yearning for him but in a completely different way, like the feeling had moved from her stomach to her chest.

His face softens as he seemingly reads her mind understanding her joking attitude is gone now, smiling at her with such softness and understanding. 

Her heart feels so full of adoration for everything he is. And without realizing it, she’s crying. 

Cassidy confused by the turn of events wastes no time and pulls his chair to her side of the table. He wraps his long, lanky arms around her in a bear hug.

“Hey love, it's alright” he whispers to her and strokes her hair.

They stay like this for a while. Tulip sobbing into Cassidy’s shoulder and him holding her so tight, seemingly trying to suck the pain out of her and absorb it into his own body.

After some time Cassidy breaks their embrace to look her in the eye, clearly waiting for her to open up to him about what’s got her this worked up. She doesn’t know what to say, she knows he’s expecting her to tell him she’s thinking about Jesse, but she doesn’t know how to admit to him, or herself, what is really going on in her mind. So, she just asks him if they can get out of there.

They leave the bar and head for her car.

“Do you think you’re alright to drive there, Tulip?” He asks after observing her trip over her own feet trying to get into the driver’s seat.

She knows he’s right, and when she looks up at him he has this concerned look, the one he always has when it comes to her safety or wellbeing, and she feels inclined to go through with her earlier plan, crying fit be damned.

“Well… we could just, hang out in the car for a bit till I sober up” she says looking at the backseat, and then back to him.

"Hang out?" he repeats her words slowly, scanning her face and looking pensive like he’s debating something in his head, but he eventually smiles and agrees, pulling a joint out of his pocket.

“Maybe this will help you with the sobering up bit,” he says, holding the massive joint between his two fingers, pointing it towards her.

And then they’re sitting in the backseat, smoking and laughing again. And Tulip’s hands are wandering again, and there’s so much less space between them than there was in the bar.

They’re halfway through the joint when Tulip basically jumps onto his lap. Not her finest moment, but she’s drunk and high, and she doesn’t care anymore. Their lips collide and she wastes no time deepening the kiss. It’s everything the first time wasn’t. She isn’t using him, she needs him. She wants him. And she wants a whole lot more than some high-school-style making out.

But when she reaches to start undoing his belt he stops her and pulls away from the kiss, sighing and looking down.

“You’re drunk Tulip”

“Well, yeah that's kinda the point of going to the bar” she rolls her eyes, saying the words as if they’re the most obvious things ever. She tries to go back in for a kiss to convince him of her point, but he grabs both her hands and looks into her eyes.

“No, Tulip I’m saying you’re only doing.. this because you’re drunk. So… it's a bad idea.” He sighs as he says it, the words look like they’re causing him physical pain.

Tulip knows she’s drunk but she also knows what she wants. She knows that she’s felt this way for a long time, and she really wishes Cassidy would stop being an idiot and see that without making her say all this. Because she hates talking about feelings, so she doesn’t. She gets off of his lap, giving him a signature “fuck you” look and puts as much space between them as possible.

“Come on, don’t be pissed at me. I’m trying to be a good guy here, you were just crying about your dead ex-boyfriend five minutes ago,” he stops himself as soon as he says it, regret taking over his features. He’s never brought Jesse up to her before, he always waits for her to bring it up because, usually, he knows better. He looks like he's bracing himself to get punched in the face.

And, yeah, on a normal night Tulip probably would punch him in the face for that. But, tonight is not a normal night. So she just scoffs at him and shakes her head as she turns to look out the window.

An awkward silence fills the car. Tulip hates feeling awkward. She prides herself on being one of the least awkward people you could ever meet. So, she reaches for the discarded joint and asks him for his lighter. 

He cautiously hands it to her, looking like a kicked puppy. She lights the joint and takes three long drags before turning back to him. She looks him in his eyes and hands the joint back to him.

“I wasn’t crying over Jesse” she exhales smoke as she says the words.

His eyes snap to her, confusion and something else hiding within them. 

“Look, I’m gunna talk for a bit here okay… so, if you can just listen and not say anything, and maybe don’t look at me” she says slowly, not recognizing the uncertainty in her own voice.

Cassidy’s eyebrow raises at the last part, looking amused.

“Okay, fine! You can look at me, I guess, just… don’t react, okay? Just let me say everything I need to say and then do what you gotta do… alright?” She feels her heart pounding in her chest and she fucking hates the feeling, but she knows she needs to do this. This shit has been eating at her and that just can’t be fucking healthy.

“Alright, I just- I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, after Jesse, and fuck, even before Jesse. You’ve always been there for me and cared about me… I’ve never felt so cared about in my whole god damn life. You make me feel so loved, you’re my best friend and” she notices him cringe at that but she tries to ignore it and carry on, “I feel closer to you than anyone in the world- and I love you, you know that” he still looks confused, she pauses wondering how far she should go with this. Is there any point doing this half-assed?

“Fuck it," she exhales so hard her lungs hurt,

"Cassidy, I’m in love with you, okay?” She basically shouts the words at him then looks down at the ground, not wanting to see his reaction. God, Tulip you even manage to fuck up love confessionals, what the hell is wrong with you? She’s pissed at herself for her sorely lacking style but she also feels relieved.

The feeling is short-lived because it is quickly replaced by sharp pangs of guilt in her stomach. And now the tears are back. She starts sobbing into her hands.

“But, Jesse-“ she barely manages to croak out.

She knows how fucking hysterical she’s being, but she can't help it. These are the thoughts her mind goes through every day and the alcohol is just helping her spit them all out in the form of word vomit. She just prays to God that Cassidy is too drunk and high to give a shit. But then she feels his arms wrap around her shoulders. His whole body sheltering her, covering her from the outside world.

“Come here, love,” he says and he pulls her up onto his lap again. She’s basically in the fetal position, sobbing like a fucking baby, and he’s rocking her and shushing her, running his fingers through her hair, which only makes her cry more because she loves him so fucking much, and he still hasn’t said anything. She doesn’t even know if she wants him to. She doesn’t know where the fuck they go from here. She just wants this night to end. And not too long after, her wish is granted because they fall asleep like that, in her backseat, her in his lap, his long legs draped over the seats. 

She wakes up a few hours later as the sun is starting to rise. Whatever Cassidy took last night must have fully kicked in because he looks like a corpse. He doesn’t even stop snoring as she gets off of him and slides into the front seat, starting the loud engine. She’s still pretty drunk, but she decides she’s fine to drive. When they get back to the motel she attempts to drag Cassidys half-dead body into the room. He doesn’t make it easy, doesn’t even open his eyes, but he sloppily moves his feet just enough to get him inside the door. She tries to direct him to the bed but he falls to the ground. She sighs, exhausted and tired of fighting, so she settles with throwing some pillows and a blanket at him before falling into the motel bed. She falls asleep, forcing herself not to think about everything that happened or how awkward tomorrow morning is going to be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassidy POV.   
> Tulip finally tells Cassidy what happened last night.

“So how much exactly do you remember?”

Cassidy isn’t used to Tulip looking so nervous. They’ve both seen each other at their worst and never cared to judge each other, and he can't think of a single thing that could have happened last night that would make her think that he ever would.

“Uh well, the last thing I remember was you dancing to Sam Cooke, hilarious might I add-” he leaves out the flirting part because he doesn’t think he can handle Tulip looking anymore embarrassed than she does right now. Yeah, it's adorable but he knows what must be going on in her head and he doesn’t ever want her to feel bad about herself, especially not if he has something to do with it.

“Jesus Christ, Cassidy! What the hell did you take last night?” She yells at him. She was never great at keeping an inside voice, but Cassidy was thankful to see her back to a more Tulip-like emotion, anger.

“Well, I may have had a quick hit of horse tranquilizer in the bathroom… but only a little I swear” he puts his arms up as he says it, trying to prove his innocence.

Tulip just shakes her head and sighs. She sits down on the edge of the bed and puts her head in her hands, rubbing her temples.

“So,” Cassidy says cautiously, joining her on the bed, “what's got you all worked up today, huh? Tell old Cassidy, maybe he can make it better.” He grabs one of her hands in his and they look so tiny and delicate, but he knows better than anybody that they pack a punch.

She seems to soften as he touches her. Like the stress and anxiety over whatever she is concerned about just exits her body. She looks up at him and her face is soft. He tries to be reassuring and gives her a small smile.

She sighs again.

“I really wish you just remembered last night, Cass…” she basically whispers, “it’d make my life a whole lot easier right now”.

She’s looking at the floor again, so he lets his confusion show on his face. She wants him to remember? She looks back up at him with a newly pissed off expression on her face. Sometimes, Cassidy was so confused by Tulip, he had no idea what to expect from her emotions-wise. He guessed that was pretty standard for someone who just lost the love of their lives a little over a year ago, and Tulip was always a bit neurotic even when they first met. 

“Why the fuck do you even need to take tranquilizers when we’re together, anyway?” Her voice is angry but he sees that she looks hurt.

“Oh, lass, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it bothered you, really-” he tries to say softly as possible. But if he’s being honest, he’s lying, he knows it bothers her but he can be selfish sometimes too. Having to live with the women you’re in love with and never do or say anything about it, it hurts. And the drugs make it hurt less.

“No, it's fine, I’m not mad about that, I mean I do wish you’d stop but I-” she stops herself and sighs, “I just told you some stuff last night… I told you something in particular that I don’t really feel like repeating” she’s not looking at him, still holding her head with her free hand, rubbing each temple with an outstretched finger and thumb.

Cassidy’s chest feels a familiar weight placed on it. He doesn’t like to have hope, it usually ends up biting him in the ass. But his brain is going a mile a minute and he’s trying to figure out what all this means, but before he can come to any logical conclusion, Tulip kisses him.

It’s a nervous, chaste kiss. And it's over the second it started. Cassidy wonders if his imagination is playing tricks on him again. 

But now Tulip is staring at him. Placing her free hand on top of his. Looking him in the eyes, and he can see a glimpse of tears in hers. He probably looks like an idiot right now, too shocked to even close his mouth, let alone react. 

Thankfully Tulip breaks the silence by laughing. Okay, so that confirms he does indeed look like an idiot right now, he thinks. But he doesn’t have time to bask in his self-loathing over that fact, because Tulip is kissing him again, this time wrapping her hands around the back of his neck and opening her mouth to him. His body finally catches on, even if his mind still hasn’t, and he kisses her back. He hasn’t kissed anyone like this in a very long time. It's soft and slow, not rushing to get to something else, but just being in the moment and feeling the other person’s mouth on yours. 

After a few minutes, he pulls away reluctantly. Half of himself is cursing him for doing it, but something feels wrong. He wants to feel the way he thought he’d feel if this moment ever happened, the way he imagined it over and over again. But there is still doubt in his mind. He doesn’t want this unless Tulip is fully on board, because he doesn’t know if he would survive getting his hopes up, only to have them crushed again. 

Tulip is looking at him now, she seems calm. The corner of her mouth quirking up ever so slightly. Her giant eyes look so warm and inviting. Cassidy feels his heart pounding, he can hear his blood pumping through his veins. 

He sighs so loudly it makes Tulip jump. A glint of her nerves from before seem to reappear on her face.

“Tulip, I- I’m so in love with you,” he says the words and is surprised to hear just how sad his own voice sounds, “I think you know that though.”

She doesn’t look taken aback at all which confirms his belief. She just smiles at him reassuringly, waiting for him to finish talking. 

“I just can't do this, if I don’t know where your heads at, because honestly love, I don’t think I can take my heart being broken by you-“ he hates the way he sounds like a melodramatic teenager. But the surprise on Tulip’s face makes him thankful he said it, he needs her to know what she can do to him, the power she has. 

“You’re an idiot” she laughs and looks away from him. 

Well, that was not the response he was expecting. But when she looks back up at him she has tears in her eyes.

"Maybe, If you hadn’t taken tranquilizers last night,” she sarcastically emphasizes the words as she says them making him cringe at himself, “then you’d remember that I told you.. that I’m in love with you too,” 

He’s pretty sure his heart actually stops at that, and in that moment he’s thankful for the whole vampire thing because he’s not sure he’d survive this otherwise. 

She must sense that he’s not ready to say anything because she continues on, 

“-and maybe you’d remember me crying like a big baby all night, OR maybe you’d remember you not saying anything after I told you I loved you, and you turning me down when I tried to fuck you-“

“Hm- doesn’t sound like me” is all he can get out. The first thing he manages to say after the women he’s been obsessed with for years tells him she’s in love with him. She's right he is really is an idiot, he thinks to himself. 

But then Tulip is laughing hysterically, laughing so hard she’s crying. Or maybe she was crying anyways. But her laughter is contagious, so he starts laughing too.

When they finally calm down she’s staring at him, smiling up at him. 

“I love you.” 

And it's the way she says it so matter-of-factly that makes Cassidy believe it to be true. So much so that it makes him want to cry. 

But instead, he just leans in and kisses her. 

At first softly, but Tulip seems to need more than that. And Cassidy wants whatever Tulip wants, so he opens his mouth into the kiss and lets her tongue explore, first his lips, then his teeth, and then his own tongue.

As Tulip breaks the kiss to get onto his lap he looks up at her. His heart is so full of love it feels like it might explode. He doesn't even care if they have sex, he would be perfectly content just holding her and staring up at her like this for the rest of the night. But Tulip seems to have other plans.

Even though they’ve had sex before it feels like the first time. Cassidy doesn’t remember the last time he had sex with someone he was in love with. He’s shy and slow, and so careful not to hurt her. 

And Tulip puts on a front of cocky-confidence, but he can see she is shy too. When she takes her clothes off and he’s staring at her beautiful body with admiration at a loss for words that would adequately describe how he feels, she rolls her eyes sarcastically, but he can see the pink tinge to her cheeks. 

And whenever he breaks their kiss to look at her face, muttering “beautiful” between moans, she looks so bashful he almost forgets that its Tulip.

But then she flips them over so that she’s on top, and she softly wraps her fingers around his throat and stares down at him with half hooded eyes. And he almost cums in that moment, but he holds off because he wants her to finish first.

And now that she’s in control it doesn’t take long. She’s grinding herself against him and setting a pace until he feels her movements become jerky, and she tightens around him.

She lets out a single “fuck Cass”, as she closes her eyes and collapses forward on to his chest.

And at the sound of his name, said in that way by her voice, he follows her. Holding her body to him as he releases. 

They stay like that for what feels like hours. Her body laying flat against his with her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her frame. He’s never felt this close to someone before. Like their bodies had melded and become one. Eventually, Tulip pushes herself up on her forearms, holding her face inches above his and kissing him lazily. She rolls off of him and lays at his side, and he wraps an arm around her.

“I love you, too” he whispers the words into her ear. He knows he doesn’t need to say it but he’s just so thankful that he’s allowed to. She softly laughs and turns to face him, placing kisses on his chest and jaw.

“I know.”


End file.
